(I was) Not Allowed

(I was) Not Allowed

I was not allowed

To eat

When I ate

When hungry

When full

To be hungry

And the fridge

Was full of promise

That bitch.

I was not allowed

To curse

Like I did

Then slam the door

In my mother’s face

Cause good girls,

don’t.

Therefore, they won’t.

I was not allowed

To fear

Or feel

Need or want

Cry hot tears

Be in love

Dream the dreams

Because

Average people like us,

Don’t.

I was not allowed

To keep things private

Cause why would

Someone

Be allowed

What I hide

From their

Grabby fingers

Greedy eyes

Jealous hearts.

I was not allowed

To be wicked

Deny Jesus

Stand up straight

Sing my tune

Have my way

Cause my way

Was a stubborn way.

Now that I am allowed

I still won’t

Cause I haven’t learnt

How to want

What I want.

Agnieszka Walczuk

19 March 2020